The Real Story of Thanksgiving

Dr. Gold, Ph.D, LMHC, Licensed and Board Certified Clinical MentalHealth Counselor, with a Ph.D in psychology, is in private practice at her home office in Fort Salonga, specializing in relationships and integrating traditional methods with holistic ones. She works with all type problems. She is a Life Coach, Workshop Leader, Lecturer, and published Author. Please contact her at
drgold6@optimum.net.

Susan Bates, in an article about history of Thanksgiving, stated:
     “Many of us might associate the holiday with happy Pilgrims and Indians sitting down to a big feast.  And that did happen – once. 
    The story began in 1614 when a band of English explorers sailed home to England with a ship full of Patuxet Indians bound for slavery… By the time the Pilgrims arrived in Massachusetts Bay they found only one living Patuxet Indian, a man named Squanto who had survived slavery in England and knew their language. He taught them to grow corn and to fish, and negotiated a peace treaty between the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag Nation. At the end of their first year, the Pilgrims held a great feast honoring Squanto and the Wampanoags. 
    …Religious zealots called Puritans, seized the land, capturing strong young Natives for slaves and killed the rest. But the Pequot Nation had not agreed to the peace treaty Squanto had negotiated and they fought back. The Pequot War was one of the bloodiest Indian wars ever fought.  
    In 1637, near present day Groton, Connecticut, the governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony declared, "A Day Of Thanksgiving" because 700 unarmed men, women and children had been murdered.
    Following an especially successful raid against the Pequot in what is now Stamford, Connecticut, the churches announced a second day of "thanksgiving" to celebrate victory over the heathen savages…George Washington finally suggested that only one day of Thanksgiving per year be set aside instead of celebrating each and every massacre. Later, Abraham Lincoln decreed Thanksgiving Day to be a legal national holiday during the Civil War -on the same day he ordered troops to march against the starving Sioux in Minnesota.
    This story doesn't have quite the same fuzzy feelings associated with it as the one where the Indians and Pilgrims are all sitting down together at the big feast. But we need to learn our true history so it won't ever be repeated.”
     Today, despite our history, Thanksgiving is about giving thanks and showing gratitude. Here are a few pointers of what you can do this 
holiday. 

    EXPRESS THANKS: 
    Dr. Smalley writes, “The words, ‘Thank You’ are two of the most powerful words you can say to anyone.  But for thankfulness to be effective, it must be specific and it must be verbalized.”
    My suggestion would be, “Thank you for helping me grocery shop this week.” Or, “Thank you for picking up the kids at school.” Also, “Thank you for being there when I needed a listening ear.”
 
    EXPRESS AFFIRMATION
     Dr. Smalley writes, “Gratitude is about recognizing what a person does. Affirmation is about appreciating what he/she is. Pick one trait and tell him/her why this is important to you.”
    In my opinion, I would suggest you say, “I appreciate how considerate you are.” Or, “Your honesty is so important to me because I need that in order to trust.”
    
CHERISH
    Dr. Smalley suggests making a written list of things you cherish in a person and giving it to them on Thanksgiving.
    My husband Steve and I have done this in the past. We each wrote a list of traits we liked about each other, such as: sense of humor, honest, attractive, courageous, etc. 
    You might like to do that as well. (Steve and I will update ours this Thanksgiving)
    Finally, the 20%-80% rule, which I have mentioned in a past article. In the best of couple relationships, 20% is difficult and $80% easy. Although there can be hardship at times, it does not mean you should give up. Difficulties are an opportunity for growth.  Often in relationships, as soon as one thing goes wrong, everything falls apart. NO! As soon as one thing goes wrong, work to fix it (If possible).
    If you’d like support with any relationship issues, I highly recommend some couple or other counseling sessions. It can be invaluable in getting you from here to there. 
    Oftentimes, people compare what they have with what others have (or I should say, seem to have) and come out feeling lacking. (Thank you Face book and other social media.)
    As Susan Bates writes, “This Thanksgiving, when you gather with your loved ones to Thank God for all your blessings, think about those people who only wanted to live their lives and raise their families. They also took time out to say "thank you" to Creator for all their blessings.”
    Above all, express gratitude! Happy Thanksgiving!