"Shut the t.v.! Dinner is getting cold! Come here now!" So, you come home from a long day at work. Your kids finished their homework and now they're watching t.v. as you cook and they wait for dinner. But, somehow the act of "waiting for dinner" has disappeared and you have 2 zombies captivated by their favorite hypnotic show.
Here are specific steps you can take to avoid the yelling and frustration.
1.Communicate "why" working together
is important
2. If necessary, tailor the words to fit your style of speaking
3. Be consistent in your words and actions
4. Establish eye contact as you speak with them
Guidelines
1. Walk with your kids to the t.v. room and sit down with them to explain the importance of working as a "team".
2. Lay out the plan with them that you will walk into the room and give 1 warning telling them how much time is left before they are to turn off the t.v. Emphasize that after the warning, you will tell them to turn off the t.v. only 1 time.
3. Ask what consequence would be fair if they don't turn it off when you ask. (If the kids don't know what consequence means then explain it. When asked, kids usually come up with very meaningful consequences!)
4. Ask the kids to turn off the t.v.
5. Remind them of the sequence of steps with the tv on because they will be watching it when you give the warning and when time is up.
6. Ask:
Parent: "What will happen first?"
Kids: "You will give us a warning."
Parent: "What will happen next?"
Kids: "You will tell us only 1 x to turn it off."
Parent: "What if you don't turn it off?"
Kids: (They state the agreed upon consequence)
7. Leave the room and continue with your normal routine.
8. Warning: Walk back to the room and say, "Kids, look at me. This is your warning. You have X minutes left." (Your tone of voice should be supportive.)
9. When time is up, walk to the room. Ask for eye contact and tell them to turn off the t.v.
10. If they listened: Praise them sincerely! If they did not: follow through on the consequence.
It Gets Even Easier!
After a few weeks your kids will be accustomed to your consistency and aware of your expectations. Give your kids an opportunity of growth and to exercise some independence. Kids are always proud of themselves when they make positive choices especially when those choices are not so easy. To see your child grow will fill you with pride. You will also feel like an accomplished parent and everyone will be working as a team!
Successful setting of limits evolves from talking with one another instead of at one another. Things will run smoother when you validate your kid's feelings and by being consistent with your actions and words.
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Lisa Navarra M.A. Special Education offers Workshops, Professional Development and Support Groups teaching how to manage challenging behaviors in school and at home. With over 20 years of experience, Lisa is the Founder/
President of Child Behavior Consulting, LLC. For more information, log onto
www.childbehaviorconsulting.com, email
Lisa@ChildBehaviorConsulting.com, or Verizon Fios Push Pause LI Parenting: Setting Limits.
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