Families and Holidays

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Lawrence Keating LCSW CASC Psychotherapist Family Therapist
Transitions Counseling Services (631) 360-2223. I graduated from South Oaks hospital counselor training program, and am currently certified as an addictions specialist by the State of New York. Graduated cumme laude from Adelphi University with a BA in social science. Finished graduate school in social work as a Social Worker, and currently am licensed and certified by the State of New York. I am the owner and psychotherapist of Transitions Counseling Service, located at 22 Lawrence ave. suite 211 Smithtown, NY 11787 (631) 360-2223 transitionscounselingservice22@gmail.com
Many find this time of the year extremely difficult due to the fact that they intermingle with family members. Professionally, we know that at this time of the year more people enter depression than any other time of the year. There are a number of reasons for this to include seasonal depression; the reliving of past memories and the interaction with family members that doesn’t really happen any other time of the year. This article will address the interactions with family members. 
    First, let’s address the loss of family members that have past. That falls under the heading of Grief and Loss. While the pain never seems to subside, the closer we are to the loss the more extreme the pain; conversely, the further away the better we are to handle the loss. If after years of loss you still feel acute pain, then therapy is warranted.
    Families have an impact, in large because of change. Change happens in a number of ways; someone in the family is physically or mentally ill, or in the process of dying. That is a very broad spectrum. Or perhaps someone in the family is addicted to a substance or behavior. All the above affect the dynamics of the family system. Some will have come from this kind of system as the family of origin. Change for many happens once they exit the system. The problem then during the holidays is that the system has not changed but the individual has changed. Now the individual no longer fits in the system, which creates feelings of discomfort and abandonment. The easiest way for me to have you see this is to have you imagine a mobile, where each one of the pieces represent a family member. You remove yourself and the mobile loses homeostasis. The only way to correct it is to put yourself in the exact spot you removed yourself from and not allow change.
    Understanding some of these dynamics can prevent depression over the holiday season if: you accept yourself the way you are; you accept all family members the way they are and most importantly, you let go of all resentment, forgiving everyone and everything.

 

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