Caring For Your Aging Parents As Well As Caring For Yourself

Let’s face it.  Many of us are in what is called the “sandwich generation” and what I like to call the “Panini generation.” As parents, many of us are either worrying about our children or caring for our aging parents.  I lost my mom almost two years ago after she broke her hip and then developed an infection. She had suffered with rheumatoid arthritis for decades and had five spinal surgeries, a knee replacement, and then some.  She was valiant and never complained.  Now it is time to care for my father. …

Let’s face this, too.  Some of our aging parents are not willing to relinquish their freedoms such as driving (and driving at night) or making healthcare and living situation decisions.  Who can blame them for wanting to maintain their autonomy? They may flinch at the idea of Life Alert or any other device that would give their children peace of mind when distance is an issue.  My Floridian father jokes that he’ll take his cell phone with him even to the bathroom.  But will he remember to keep it on and not on vibrate?

Recently, I’ve had conversations with friends whose parents are developing memory loss.  One friend called it “pre-Alzheimer’s,” but I am not here to judge anyone’s memory loss as mine isn’t always up to par.  For peace of mind, we have to give our parents options so that they feel in control.  And if they’re so resolute as to not want any help, then we have to simply realize that it’s not in our control despite our best intentions. We have to learn to trust and “let go.”

So here’s what we can do to keep calm through these sometimes stormy days, but first remember to breathe deeply:

• Check in once a day. Visit or have a conversation with your loved one to let them know you care.  After all, we all yearn for human connection.
• Go for a walk. Get some fresh air when the stress becomes unmanageable.  
• Watch comedy before going to bed. Nobody wants to be reminded of life’s/the world’s troubles by watching late-night drama and the news.
• Write your troubles away. If you don’t want to have that hundredth conversation with your parent, write a letter and then tear it up.  Nobody will be the wiser and you’ll feel a lot better.

Like a Panini, we are squeezed for time and with worry. But first we must put that oxygen mask on ourselves so that we can care for our loved ones as we, at some later point, will want that equal care and respect when it is our turn.